district of coke

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as a former user & abuser who still enjoys the nightlife minus the chemical enhancements, i'm always curious about what goes on wherever i spend time away from LA - which is DC at the moment... it's always safer to know what i'm getting myself into! anyhew, i found this fairly recent BBC article on researchers at the University of Massachusetts–Dartmouth who found that “95% of dollar bills in Washington DC bear traces of the illegal drug cocaine.” such a study would suggest that many denizens of the District of Columbia have the world’s reserve currency up their noses!

this startlingly high percentage represents an increase of only 20 percent from the previous two years. when in any given year you can count on at least seven of every ten Federal Reserve Notes being laced with blow, you know your town’s fukkin rokkin!

i just have to wonder how bad things really are if folks can still find money for an eight-ball. at any rate, cocaine is not necessarily a drug associated with economic downturns. smack, certainly. crack, definitely! but blow retains too much of an uptown aura really to be associated with hard times. remember the 80s cocaine glam: Delorean car tires, shitters in some Manhattan or Miami nightclub, the backseat of a BMW 500 series — all mis en scènes for a drug that defined a decade. if crystal meth is the poor man’s cocaine, then cocaine remains the rich man’s cocaine...

fortunately, the study also revealed many reaches of the globe whose currency bears few traces of such indulgence:

Other countries where notes were tested were Canada, Brazil, China and Japan. China had the lowest rates, with only 12% of its bills contaminated. In the US the cleanest bills were collected from Salt Lake City, home of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, better known as the Mormons.

that Canada’s money was found relatively clean is not surprising; it’s probably hard to tell your stash there from all the snow. Brazil’s relatively spotless currency is a bit more surprising, given that country’s proximity to cocaine-producing powerhouses Bolivia & Colombia... as a still industrializing nation, China lacks enough effete financier-class yuppies to serve as a consumer base for such a substance. and Japan? well, i guess coke faces stiff competition from cosplay, hentai and machine-vended worn panties... equally unsurprising is Salt Lake City, Utah. i mean, if Mormons can’t drink Coke, they’re unlikely to do coke.

so, if you’ll excuse me, I’m off to do a few rails off my copy of The Osmonds’ Crazy Horses & go dance the night away in the district of coke's gayborhood of Dupont Circle which conveniently happens to be where embassy row lies... gays & diplomatic immunity mix rather well! WIN WIN!!!

meanwhile, here's Blonde Redhead's latest:

♡♡♡ Blonde Redhead ☆ NOT GETTING THERE MP3 ♡♡♡