15 July 2008

ID21 ...Bud is Belgian


did you know that the world's shittiest beer is now Belgian as well?!? the Belgian beer conglomerate InBev just bought out Budweiser for $52 billion in cash, the largest cash transaction in history...

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since many of you probably don't know much about my motherland, the great Kingdom of Belgium, allow me...

the Belgian "In God We Trust" type motto is "L'Union Fait La Force" meaning "Unity Makes The Force" which is ironic considering how divided this tiny nation is.

July 21st is coming up. it's the national day of Belgium, kinda like july 4th is USA's national day... except Belgium was around history books for much longer. there was a time where Caesar called the Belgians aka the Gallics, his bravest enemies. the roman empire conquered all of Europe, but the Belgian natives were his bravest & hardest to conquer. we're dissidents by nature! we just have a very hard time complying to the higher power, whatever that might be at any given time. lets face it, nowadays, Belgium, a small kingdom the size of LA to San Diego, is divided in 3 federal states: Brussels Capital (bilingual - French & Dutch, not to mention English, German & Spanish, widely heard around town), Flanders (Flemish aka Dutch speaking with Antwerp being the capital) and Wallonia (French speaking with Liège being the capital)... back in the 80s, there was so much animosity between the Flemish & the Walloons, that the country was almost split into 2 new nations. but both sides revered our uniting king so strongly that Belgium became a federal kingdom instead... more bureaucracy, as now we have one prime minister under the king, but 3 of everything else. for example, we have 3 ministers of education, one for Brussels, one for Flanders, and one for Wallonia, instead of one for the whole nation... so, we have 3 ministers who will bow down to the king equally, but disagree with each other on anything & everything... and instead of taxes supporting one politician, we have to support 3... and at the end of the day, it costs so much that the Belgian state as a nation went bankrupt... Belgians tend to live beyond their means, something i have to work on every single day! it's in my blood!!!

time for a musical interlude by
Jacques Brel about Belgium:


Belgians create high fashion (the Antwerp 6), refined chocolates (Cornier, Leonidas, Neuhaus, etc & Côte d'Or for supermarkets), have the finest diamond cutters in the world (for Cartier, Van Cleef & Arpels, DeBeers, etc), have the most intricate tapestries & embroideries (high commodities in the Middle Ages, which put Belgium on the map), process the finest spices from the new world (we have fries stands on every corner with a variety of sauces so large you would lose your mind - mayo mixed in with which ever spices you fancy), have the best gastronomy in the world (from the finest filet mignon to the best casserole of Zealand mussels), and make the best trains & metros in the world (exported to Portland Oregon to Casablanca Morrocco & many other cities)... not to mention music (Techontronic is Belgian!). oh and did i mention the 500 plus beers brewed in such a small territory?! we still have monks & monasteries working 24/7 to produce the finest beers in the world, from Stella to Delirium Tremens, Chimay, Hoegaarden, Lambick, Kwak, Leffe, etc...
BUT we import all the technology needed to keep all of this afloat, at a national deficit... so Belgium as a corporation spends a lot more than it makes, and as such would have gone bankrupt if it wasn't for their smartest invention, the European Union, with Brussels as the capital. the euro erased billions of dollars of national debt, and imported billions more in foreign investments. Brussels is the capital of Europe, the NATO headquarters, and the center of more than 500 other international organizations, making it the capital of the world of over-payed tax exempt diplomats & honorable foreigners. 30% of the citizens of Brussels are foreigners, and if you look at a map, Brussels is smack in the middle of Paris & London, or Madrid & Stockholm... Brussels is THE crossroad of Europe!

anyhew, more provincial than Rome, Paris or London, Brussels has the best you can find anywhere else, minus the drama. "Petit Pays Petit Esprit" is a way of life (small country small spirit of mind). meaning that when you have so much available in such a small area, why would u ever need to leave... unless you like steep slopes in the Alpes for skiing (a national pilgrimage to Switzerland every winter) or you like the clear warm waters of the Mediterranean (another national pilgrimage to the shores of the Mediterranean every summer)... Belgium is the blessed land of the sweetest routine... and grey winter rains. something my parents ripped me away from by traveling so much to Africa & the Americas. god bless!

we call the Belgians who never break away from the routine the Belgicans, and the others like me, THE BELGIANS!

anyhew, in a few days Belgians celebrate their independence day. July 21st is the day that the privileged in Belgium decided to overthrow their current occupiers in 1830, the Dutch. around 1815 i think, the battle of Waterloo won by the protestant Brits against Napoléon (his 1st loss), the Belgians went from French authority to being annexed to the Kingdom of the Netherlands. the Prince of Orange (a Dutch) became Belgium's ruler. before the French, Belgium had been a territory of the Austrian empire (who also sent an Austrian prince to rule Belgium), and before that was a member of the Spanish Kingdom in the north. which explains why Belgium is so rich in luxury goods that cater to the old world & the new world alike, and why Belgian folklore integrates many elements from all over Europe. Antwerp still is today the 3rd largest port in Europe. back then the Belgian aristocrats were Catholics with a Protestant or even Jewish state of mind, meaning they believed that making as much money as possible by being successful merchants would bring them closer to god. traditionally, in France for example, Catholics taught that money was evil (to keep the poor as such). bottom line is the Belgians didn't want to be bothered with ruling the land as long as they could still do business (aristocrats & cardinals alike).

sometime in 1830, an opera was playing in the royal theater, steps away from the royal palace occupied by the dutch prince of orange. the opera banned in France evoked a spirit of revolution. when the curtain dropped, the Belgian upper crust loaded on fine beers decided it was time for them to assume their responsibility as rulers of their own land, which inspired an uprising which peacefully (in contrast to the French revolution) overthrew the prince of orange & sent him packing to the Netherlands. left alone, all the wealthy aristocrats didn't want to set business aside to rule the country, so they went looking for a well connected European prince to become their king. they chose a prince of the Saxe-Cobourg-Ghotta family in Germany, whose older brother was to become the German Keizer, whose cousins were related to the royal families of Spain, Austria, England, France, Denmark, Russia, etc... as to ensure Belgium's neutrality. on July 21st 1831, this German prince became the 1st king of the Belgians (notice his title wasn't king of Belgium but of the Belgians). this king was to serve as an international representative of the ruling Belgian aristocracy to facilitate their enterprises with all of Europe.

Belgium later became one of the wealthiest kingdoms of the world by colonizing the largest region in Africa, the Belgian Congo (which became the independent Zaire & now is called the Congo again). one of our kings purchased the territory as his own personal property & playing ground, exploiting the land so much so that he became one of the wealthiest man on earth. only in the 1900s did the Belgian parliament decide that the king was abusing his privileges & was the source behind the atrocious treatment given to Africans. the Belgian Congo became a national colony, further enriching the Belgian state with diamonds, gold, copper, malachite, ivory, etc... it's fair to say that the majestic boulevards & palaces of Belgium were paved with African gold. art nouveau, baron Victor Horta being the Belgian pioneer, was subsidized with fortunes made in Africa...
the Congo is where my mother grew up... nowadays, walking through Belgium is a constant reminder that everything Gothic was around for a thousand years or more, and everything else is tainted with African blood, till Belgium caught up with the "technological" revolution & was saved by this corporation called the European Union.

so, if nothing else but the best food in the world (from all over Europe, Africa, Asia -mostly Vietnamese- and the New World), give Belgium a try. and i have to say that i am proud to come from the 2nd nation in Europe to legalize gay marriage. long live the bourgeoisie!

NOW GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK & HAVE GOOD BELGIAN BEER... and i don't mean a bud!!! VIVE LA BELGIQUE!

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